Just a few words on the new Five Finger Death Punch album. Not because I’m even slightly interested in anything they’ve done musically, but because after hearing the album title ‘American Capitalist’, I was intrigued. “Is it satirical?”; “how can you possibly use that phrase with pride?” Then I heard this stupefyingly cuntish quote from their guitarist Jason Hook:
“You know, it’s kind of like dog eat dog, it’s the survival of the fittest, (Hitler was a Darwinist!) and we’re sort of putting it out there as a positive thing. It’s like, we are American capitalists, we will divide and conquer, we will — we’re going for the throat and we’re not ashamed to say that.“
And right there and then, I felt inclined to project my hate bile forth into the world.
First I was tempted to just find a picture of some sick/shit and post that under the album title, which is honestly more than it deserves. I have instead, however, been sucked into a vortex of despise created by these idiots. What was running through their tiny little brains when they, or most likely someone else, decided that a song/album called ‘War is the Answer’ was in good taste? Probably all the ‘super cool’ things the wider world have come to associate with America; oppression, greed exploitation and dubious invasions. But they were probably like, “Cool man, America’s number one, let’s do an album about how ignorant we are and how we like to fuck people over, HELLYEAH!”.
Not that I take their projection of this message seriously, by the way. Their “dividing and conquering” is limited to their 14-year-old audience and other cretins who are happy to listen to second-rate Pantera riffs with the inclusion of mega gay generic sing along choruses thrown in. This celebration of ignorance is of course not limited to Five Finger Death Punch, but bastardising the authenticity of music like metal or punk, which roots itself in being against the grain is always sad to see. Jesus Christ, hip hop and rap started out as a musical form of revolution, now look at the wretched state of it.
Off topic political rambling aside, I did actually nearly make it through ‘Under and Over It’ their newly-released track from the forthcoming album, before I put something good on (by the way, they probably are aware they’ve re-worded a Down album for that track). I actually found myself doubting during those several painful minutes that the lyrics to the song could actually be so, erm….how could I put it…shit. But, I’ll give you a few of my favourite lines to make your own minds up.
“Did you hear the one about me being a prick?/Did you know I don’t care, you can suck my…”
And then really homing in on what we all want here:
“You can be me and I can be you/you can live just like a star”.
So what’s really the fuel for this musical dirge? If we were to go off the album title, it would probably be a tale of some American business entrepreneur, or maybe the tale of a corporate label sucking the life out of everything that’s good in music. If you actually listen to it (not advised) I think it’s mainly the product of sister-fucking and no education (which doesn’t support the title really, does it?).
I have a headache now and if this is the band’s idea of a joke, I’m going to feel very stupid.
The best summary I can imagine is borrowed from a fine man called Bill Hicks, whose
phrase for such talentless, soulless musicians was “suckers of Satan’s cock”.